hree days into the summer after my seventh grade year, I visited my hairstylist and asked her to cut my long dirty                        blonde hair just above my ears. With her scissors in hand, she gave me a smile. Every inch gone felt like another year                  added to my life.

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Spring break of my ninth grade year, when I had her dye my hair bleach blonde, the unique style was refreshing.

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Before my junior year, I had her turn my hair the darkest brown she could, similar to my mom’s when she was 16.

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A new aesthetic is always fun, but not exactly life altering.

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The real change came when I left my familiar middle school group of friends for kids who spent their weekends exploring.

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It came when I broke up with a boy who spent his days insulting others and controlling me.

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It came when I was accepted into my first choice college.

 

It came when I got my first job.

 

It came when I sat on my bedroom floor, and for the first time, I could honestly tell my mom how isolating it is to be so mature in high school, and how the things I’ve heard people say about me make it hard to get out of bed some mornings.

 

These small glimpses into my life are relevant, because they happened at random these past few years.

 

With 2018 so close, people have begun the annual previous year cleanse. I’ve never been able to hold this “new year, new me” sentiment, this waiting for change. People will sit around the TV and watch the Time Square Ball Drop, finally fall asleep at 3 in the morning, and only then, when they wake up tomorrow and unwrap their calendar from it’s plastic packaging, will they make a change.

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There are an abundance of opportunities you must create for yourself. Whenever you notice a behavior you want to change, or a toxic person you need to leave, or you just want to experiment with your own look, it’s time to take the first step.

 

Get that haircut now.

 

Go to the gym now.

 

Stop smoking now.

 

Learn to say no now.  

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By definition, I am not an impulsive person. I still wade through my decisions and calculate every outcome, but I will not be made a fool by waiting for something new. Resetting the numbers won’t reset a life. It’s a conscious choice, and I refuse to let the start of a new calendar determine when I change my own situation.

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While I can’t trick myself into waiting, I can recognize why some may be afraid to take that next step, afraid to rush into newness.

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I will not dismiss these people. Tonight may be the beginning of their new selves, and sometimes you just have to hold their hand and help count down the hours until their fresh start. Sometimes a new year is the exact kind of false hope people need in their lives to make it through another.

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